MS? Me?

The Disability Specialist and my counselor both suggested I do some reading about Multiple Sclerosis...so I did. Now I am seriously freaking out. It's like I've just read the summary of my life for the last couple of years! I want to cry, but I know that won't help anything. I know this means that when my medical card gets here, I'll be going through those same awful tests that I blogged about two years ago: the MRI and the electric shock test (aka the torture test). But it has to be done, so this can finally be dealt with. At least MS is not fatal, so there is an 'up' side. And maybe it will still turn out to be something else entirely. (I can always hope....right?)

The Disability Specialist

I (finally!) had my meeting with the Disability Specialist today. Not a doctor, but someone who spends her work days helping people like me cut through the bureaucratic red tape and find the help that is available. We filled out a new application for my medical card (which she assures me WILL go through this time) and she found a program that will enable me to avoid having to pay a deductible. It will cost me one hour per month to be in this program. I can do that! :)

Now...the not-so-good news. She listened to me describing what's been happening the last few weeks (in terms of deterioration) and she had the same thought I did....MS. It could be any number of other things, as well, but odd that we both had the same gut reaction. She also uttered two words that I know I need to consider for the future: assisted living. But I'm nowhere near ready to explore that possibility just yet!

I saved my other good news for last. My daughter is coming for a visit on Saturday! (I haven't gotten to spend time with her in over a month.) Very excited!

Remembering...With a Smile

When I was very little, my Dad taught me how to fish. Sitting on the pier at his parents' house on Lake Gogebic was "our time" together. Sure, he had to bait the hook and take the fish off if I caught one, so all I really did was hold the pole...but it was just me and my Dad. Many years later, when he had his own house on a lake, he still had to bait my hook and remove the fish - and I still loved every second of it.

He used to take me up in a little airplane, with both sets of controls under his command, and let me sit in the co-pilot seat, pretending to help fly the plane. "Pilot to co-pilot", he'd say. I could barely see out the window, I was so young!

Even when he didn't like something I may have done or the way I may have acted, he always loved me and I knew that without any doubt. I love you, Dad...and after 19 years, I still miss you.

A Very Rough Weekend

This is a rough weekend for me. My e-mail and my Facebook newsfeed are filled with messages (some spam, some heartfelt) about Fathers Day.

My Dad passed away on Fathers Day, 1991. I still miss him...

10 Cat Wishes (Author Unknown)

10 Cat Wishes for Responsible Pet Owners

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Allow me to place my trust in you, it is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have work, your friends, and your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.

7. Don't hit me. Remember that I have teeth but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I've been in the sun too long, or my heart is getting old and weak.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Stay with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch it," or "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there.

- Author unknown

My Best Buddy

Bubba wanted to poke his head in and say hello...so he posed for you. He still sleeps by me every night (usually taking most of the pillow) and is a constant presence during the day. He doesn't understand the concept of 'next-to' - he must be in my lap at all times (times of his choosing, of course) or he gets quite offended. He still runs from wherever he is napping if I call his name - and even comes running to bless me if I sneeze. He lifts a gentle paw to my face to wipe my tears when I cry, and jumps up beside me to kiss my cheek every morning. Yes, he has his grumpy moments, but don't we all? After everything he and I have been through together, I am so blessed to still have my loyal little buddy at my side!

Spirit Strong

The other day, I told my PTSD counselor that I very rarely get depressed any more. In my 'previous life' (in the windowless cave), I struggled with depression often, so for me, this is a huge revelation. My legs have deteriorated dramatically in the last month or so, but I have adjusted to my new limitations and still try to do everything I am able to do to help others. And my spirit is stronger than ever! My daughter is overwhelmed at her job, so I have learned to reach out to others and ask for help, for a ride to the grocery store when needed. I have a roof over my head, food in the kitchen, Bubba by my side and Rocky...somewhere nearby. There is much to be happy about.

It bears repeating: My spirit is strong!