Well, Hello There

Well, hello there, my dear old blog! I've missed you! SO many changes in my life; I don't know quite where to start. I am currently recovering from back surgery - lower spinal fusion and laminectomy a month ago - and will likely be starting on 'real' MS drugs (the kind I'll have to self-inject) once I'm healed and fully back on my feet. I'm in a new apartment now (as of last April), first floor and NO BATS. (Woot!) A lot of pain at present, because the surgery seems to have kicked the MS symptoms into high gear, but at least I don't have a flight of stairs to contend with (or the constant fear of bats appearing over my head while I lie in bed at night). A much smaller place, which is good. It's cozy and so much easier for me to keep up with. Was using a walker around the house for awhile but am able to wobble around on my own now. Have to use the walker whenever I go out and am not yet able to go much further than a block or two, but that'll increase as my incision heals.

Bubba turned 12 last month and is still my 'big fat grumpy old love'. Rocky is slowly coming around and growing more affectionate. He'll never be a lap kitty, but he has taken to sitting next to me on the love seat for much of the day. Still yodels most every night, just to let the neighbors know he exists.

I've made a promise to myself not to abandon this blog again. I've truly missed it. To leave you with a smile (if anyone is actually reading this), here's a pic from Bubba's 12th birthday.

I'm Ba-a-a-ack!

Wow - I didn't think I'd ever be able to post again! Couldn't remember which e-mail account I'd registered this blog under...and with which password. But finally, here I am! Having been gone so long, I have a lot of news!

It's been rough here lately. Last month, I was in the hospital twice, for a total of a week and a half, for treatment of an 'extraordinarily large' ulcer surrounded by several smaller ones. After getting released the second time, things seemed like they were starting to heal, but a week ago, all-of-a-sudden, I felt worse than ever! Can't even begin to describe the pain! I called my doctor and was put back on painkillers, which are finally starting to help, but if there's still no healing in the next couple of weeks, they will have to operate.

I finally met my new neurologist and he's very nice; nothing like the beast from two years ago who alternated between ignoring me and (literally) screaming at me! The tests for MS have finally been scheduled. I'll be having two MRI's - brain and spine - and an EMG on my right leg and arm. That's the dreaded electric-shock test, for those of you who were readers of my old blog. That one really frightens me, but it needs to be done. No sedation is allowed for the EMG because it would dull the muscles' reaction, but they are going to sedate me for the MRI's. (Last time, even though they told me not to open my eyes while inside the machine, I did - so even though I am not claustrophobic, the MRI scares me, too.) It will be such a relief to get these tests out of the way and to finally have the answers we've waited so long to get!

On a happy note, Wednesday was Bubba's birthday. (He's 11 now.) He got his traditional can of birthday tuna and he had to eat it while wearing his (also traditional) festive birthday hat. He wasn't pleased with the hat I so lovingly fashioned for him, so I had to wait until he was totally focused on the tuna before plunking the hat on his head. I took my couple of photos (okay - 9 of them) and then removed the hat so he could eat in peace. In hopes of leaving you with a smile today, here's one of the pictures:

Still Here

It's been a rough couple of weeks - my worst, so far - in terms of symptoms. My legs don't hurt as badly as they used to, but they get tired just walking from my living room to the kitchen. My arms, on the other hand, HURT. Some days, it is too painful to even type. But there is good news, too! My mom bought a mini air conditioner for my bedroom (which has always been about 20 degrees hotter than the rest of the house), so I can be comfortable when I am lying down. There is also hope on the horizon. This week, I should finally be in the computer system for my medical card, so am looking forward to being able to see my doctor for the first time in several years, to finally start getting a definitive diagnosis and begin some sort of treatment.

The Furry Terrors are doing well. Bubba has been shadowing me, especially on days when he senses I'm feeling especially unwell. And Rocky has made a lot of progress! He still doesn't like to be held, doesn't sit in my lap, but when I am up and at the computer, he is usually lying nearby now - just out of my reach. He has also started jumping up on the loveseat next to my chair for a little bit of attention, although he prefers his love from that slight bit of distance. He and Bubba are not best buddies, but they often lie next to each other at the foot of my bed, enjoying the cool air.

Will let you know what the doctors have to say, when I get in to see them.

A New Project

I am thinking I might write a book, based on my old blog. It would consist of blog entries followed by narrative to fill in the details and flesh out the story. I've already got the opening picked out: an entry re-discovered when we had to copy/delete our blogs.

It's so hard to believe that in just over an hour, I will be homeless. That fear hasn't hit me yet, due to the heartache of losing Bubba. Tonight will be the strangest one of my life. I have lived in the same building for over 30 years, and now I have no home at all....

posted by bionic4ever at Aug 12 08, 12:45 PM

So....what do you think?

MS? Me?

The Disability Specialist and my counselor both suggested I do some reading about Multiple Sclerosis...so I did. Now I am seriously freaking out. It's like I've just read the summary of my life for the last couple of years! I want to cry, but I know that won't help anything. I know this means that when my medical card gets here, I'll be going through those same awful tests that I blogged about two years ago: the MRI and the electric shock test (aka the torture test). But it has to be done, so this can finally be dealt with. At least MS is not fatal, so there is an 'up' side. And maybe it will still turn out to be something else entirely. (I can always hope....right?)

The Disability Specialist

I (finally!) had my meeting with the Disability Specialist today. Not a doctor, but someone who spends her work days helping people like me cut through the bureaucratic red tape and find the help that is available. We filled out a new application for my medical card (which she assures me WILL go through this time) and she found a program that will enable me to avoid having to pay a deductible. It will cost me one hour per month to be in this program. I can do that! :)

Now...the not-so-good news. She listened to me describing what's been happening the last few weeks (in terms of deterioration) and she had the same thought I did....MS. It could be any number of other things, as well, but odd that we both had the same gut reaction. She also uttered two words that I know I need to consider for the future: assisted living. But I'm nowhere near ready to explore that possibility just yet!

I saved my other good news for last. My daughter is coming for a visit on Saturday! (I haven't gotten to spend time with her in over a month.) Very excited!

Remembering...With a Smile

When I was very little, my Dad taught me how to fish. Sitting on the pier at his parents' house on Lake Gogebic was "our time" together. Sure, he had to bait the hook and take the fish off if I caught one, so all I really did was hold the pole...but it was just me and my Dad. Many years later, when he had his own house on a lake, he still had to bait my hook and remove the fish - and I still loved every second of it.

He used to take me up in a little airplane, with both sets of controls under his command, and let me sit in the co-pilot seat, pretending to help fly the plane. "Pilot to co-pilot", he'd say. I could barely see out the window, I was so young!

Even when he didn't like something I may have done or the way I may have acted, he always loved me and I knew that without any doubt. I love you, Dad...and after 19 years, I still miss you.

A Very Rough Weekend

This is a rough weekend for me. My e-mail and my Facebook newsfeed are filled with messages (some spam, some heartfelt) about Fathers Day.

My Dad passed away on Fathers Day, 1991. I still miss him...

10 Cat Wishes (Author Unknown)

10 Cat Wishes for Responsible Pet Owners

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Allow me to place my trust in you, it is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have work, your friends, and your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.

7. Don't hit me. Remember that I have teeth but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I've been in the sun too long, or my heart is getting old and weak.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Stay with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch it," or "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there.

- Author unknown

My Best Buddy

Bubba wanted to poke his head in and say hello...so he posed for you. He still sleeps by me every night (usually taking most of the pillow) and is a constant presence during the day. He doesn't understand the concept of 'next-to' - he must be in my lap at all times (times of his choosing, of course) or he gets quite offended. He still runs from wherever he is napping if I call his name - and even comes running to bless me if I sneeze. He lifts a gentle paw to my face to wipe my tears when I cry, and jumps up beside me to kiss my cheek every morning. Yes, he has his grumpy moments, but don't we all? After everything he and I have been through together, I am so blessed to still have my loyal little buddy at my side!

Spirit Strong

The other day, I told my PTSD counselor that I very rarely get depressed any more. In my 'previous life' (in the windowless cave), I struggled with depression often, so for me, this is a huge revelation. My legs have deteriorated dramatically in the last month or so, but I have adjusted to my new limitations and still try to do everything I am able to do to help others. And my spirit is stronger than ever! My daughter is overwhelmed at her job, so I have learned to reach out to others and ask for help, for a ride to the grocery store when needed. I have a roof over my head, food in the kitchen, Bubba by my side and Rocky...somewhere nearby. There is much to be happy about.

It bears repeating: My spirit is strong!

Here I Am!

Whew...I finally got here! Hoping for some visitors soon - I've got coffee on and two kinds of tea! I've invited Bubba and Rocky to this blog's Grand Opening, but they are too busy snoozing...